5 Things I Learned About Amplifying My Power from Vital LeadershipFeb 01, 2022
I was terrified of remembering my power because I have abused it before.
So when I received the offer to become part of Vital Leadership, I experienced huge inner resistance. Flashbacks of power abuse where I was the perpetrator came flooding in. Guilt towered over me, heaving rocks of shame. I was caught up in a storm, and I was drowning in a sea of fear.
If I get to remember my power, will I be intoxicated again?
But if I don’t trust myself to be capable of wielding my power for good, how am I supposed to support my team in creating systems for power that serves the whole? How am I supposed to model love and sovereignty to my daughters? If I don’t forgive myself for my mistakes, how can I say that I’ve learned from them?
And so, with so much trembling and a thousand deep breaths, I dived in.
… and it was THE ABSOLUTE BEST DECISION I’ve made in my whole adult life.
Here's what the program taught me about amplifying my power:
We build momentum when we honor nature’s rhythms
“Look at the flowers of the field - they do not labor or spin, but not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of them.” The flowers align with the seasons, it knows when to take root, when to grow, when to bloom and when to let go. I wonder, why don’t we?
How often do we drive ourselves to overwhelm believing that the further we push, the more we build momentum? It is our learned culture of greed and disconnect that drives us to hold onto our energy - to keep the ball rolling, and to keep pushing. More. More. More.
But energy cannot be gripped. Energy flows, and the more we try to hold it down, the more exhausted we get. When we learn to flow with it, the better it flows through us.
When I began interrupting my "in the zone" moments and prioritizing my rhythm, I became incredibly productive, my daughters noticed that I was more responsive, and the quality of my sleep improved exponentially. I didn't even need an alarm at 5:00 am.
Our cells have wisdom and we need to start listening
It’s not as bizarre as it sounds. The cells in our bodies want us to thrive. They operate every single day with the sole objective of keeping us alive. So if they get tired or hungry or thirsty, or if they’re fighting a virus, they will tell us -- and we will know. All we have to do is listen.
This is something I really got to practice with my girls. Throughout the day, especially when we have high-energy activities like working, studying, or playing, we check our bodies and ask what it needs.
It’s so interesting because while one of my daughters so bravely acts upon the data her body gives her (imagine a child initiating naptime -- "Oh, it's nap time, Mommy", "I think we need to have a snack"), the other one tends to deny herself because she wants to play more -- something she probably observed from me. So it is an adventure unlearning this self-denial with her.
The more we practiced sensing, the better we become at understanding what our body needs, and where we should direct our power towards.
Structure provides balance for spontaneity to thrive
Are we planners or are we wingers? For the longest time, I jumped from one extreme end of the spectrum to the other, when it turns out, I can actually be both.
The challenge for me was that I thought about structures as rigid, unbreakable walls - they are lifeless, motionless, and devoid of any possibility to grow. When in fact, in nature, structures connect (like in a spider’s web), distribute tension (as in rock cracks), and make everything more efficient (like in a honeycomb).
When we design structures following nature’s principles, we actually design living systems - that listen not just to our bodies’ needs, but also to external circumstances.
Instead of inhibiting us, when these structures liberate us, give us flexibility and allow us to flourish.
It takes a village
While the decision to begin this journey is from me, the experience would not have been as delightful if it weren’t for the Guides and the rest of the cohort.
The Guides designed the whole experience impeccably. Everything was intentional. I've worked with Larissa, Nick and Michael so I know how brilliant they are, but to be guided throughout this experience is Harry Potter-level magical.
Because I was surrounded by beautiful souls who shared, participated, and made the group safe, I was able to shed what needs to be shed, to confront the things lurking in my shadows, and to remember who I was before I abused the power that I did not know how to wield.
After all, growth does not happen in isolation.
Healing systems and initiating massive personal and cultural changes in our spheres is a humungous mission, and we must find playmates to enjoy this adventure with. 💖 Thank you, Guides and VL Fall 2021 Cohort. 💖
My calling tastes like mangoes
When I was struggling to survive, dragging myself throughout the day, and living in guilt, I did not have the capacity to think about my calling. But when I allowed myself to be still, my capacity expanded. What became clear to me was how my calling tastes like - ripe, juicy, homegrown carabao mangoes. Refreshing and nourishing me after a long day in the summer sun.
The clarity is so enlivening. So now everything I do, and every connection I make, I hold to this standard. And if it’s not met, then I learned to assess how much of my energy I can afford to give away.
It’s also something I get to practice with my daughters. Are we having fun? Should we explore something else? What does this experience taste like? If the one thing they learn from me is sharpening their sensing, I know I've done my job well.
Finally, Vital Leadership’s greatest gift to me -- Before I was drowning, now I have the courage to dive deeper and the strength to surf the waves.
How about you? What does your calling taste like? Are you tired? Do you need a drink? Maybe you need a walk, feel the soil. Wherever you are, I hope you’re not moving in fear like I was and that you’re getting the support you need.
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